It is always better that I write to myself first, then edit, then post a couple days later. About an hour ago I took a hard lust hit. The only thing I can say to remove much guilt is to say it was accidental, not intentional. I found old film negatives of myself dressed as a woman, from back in 1998, while sorting through old photographs of mine I was getting ready to upload onto FB. Back then, I was living alone much of the time, in north Texas, from 17 years ago at a younger age which caused me to MB. It made me reflect on the time, how long this addiction is going on and yet this really is addiction because of how quickly the lust can hit back, especially with something unexpected like this
Even though there is church tonight, I still have to get thru the night after that, trying not to be tempted to look back at those images and jerk off. One person said, here, on Healing the other day that you can not beat this addiction alone. I am not sure exactly what to pray to my Higher Power (God), Because after 8pm tonight when I get done with church the lust is going to hit severe. This might be a night you will have to stay up for most of the night to watch tv videos to counter this, read your SAA book and try to fellowship with others. I have to remember too that I am on the West Coast and this allows for me to attend phone meetings at 6pm, instead of 7pm, so I can quickly do so before church.
( Read more...Collapse )