Made it here to Salem, Oregon. The toughest trip of all-time. Marred by the car accident in Wyoming, that delay and then this very tough flu that I have had since December 26th and now January 13, the coughing and fatigue will last a few more days and it will take me a couple more days to recover. Obviously I am happy that I got Thumbtack here and yes she is thrilled, relieved to have more space and not be traveling in the car - but do realize I have to keep the boys away from her. Next we will have to work on you, you brought those books. Basically you are the same person up here that you were in Albuquerque and have to figure where do I go from here?
The loose particle in your upper mouth making you cough I believe you got out with a toothbrush. Now, the newest problem is a backache and you will need to go downstairs for new ice.
That does mean a busy, busy Saturday so you might very well want to stay at the La Quinta, that and buy another humidifier, which will get tossed too. USE VICKS vaporub INSTEAD. Next we gotta get the junk out of the closet. Turn rental in on Saturday pm.
Well, I am o.k. now. Night time is always the hardest time to relax. I wish I could have looked at that and had us drive on. Cooped up in this motel room since December 19, No space, no privacy. No one to talk to, to outlet to.. Times like these really elevate my masturbation — because it is what I know best to relax me. Others in my situation would be getting drunk as much as possible. It has been crippling to not be able to attend church either. How can I worship God if I am not able to hear his word? This monster flu bug got the best of me last night. It wasn't going the way I wanted it to go. Too much mucus build up last night and I lost my ability to cough it out. About 3am I finally talked about it and that was able to loosen me up so I could breath. I kept trying every position possible to take a deep breath but I could not. Once II admitted and allowed myself the need to cough again, I did and that loosened things up and I did fall asleep for an hour. I have to work on my sleep hygeine more, while I work on getting over this cold. I would get that Mucinex and Eucalyptist oil but NOT take it until an hour before bed time tonight. Also get a print out made of your Health ID card.
I like to do stupid things, often have slip or two. Going out in the cold will not be done again without a coat. Twice the thickness I will want to have.
Staying awake that is, doing laundry before, if you don't get sleep again tonight to at least get this activity out of the way. You probably won't see anyone tomorrow, unless Walter is crazy enough to come here. Yes, your sleep issue is still deeply rooted in the psychotic — relating to anxiety. Only powerful medication can stop it and shut the brain down. I like the idea of crossing the chest to breath into the stomach but that will feel uncomfortable and only be able to be done for a couple of minutes. Some kind of paranoia associates itself with seeing Aunt Jo and Todd, it was o.k. to see them for a couple days but after that my brain goes to work with it's radical thinking and will keep me awake until I am ready to just pass out.
One of the things that sucks about insomnia, that if it is related to anxiety and your emotions is the fear of having to spill out whatever is wrong with you and I hate the thought of doing that, extreme embarrassment and of course, I have a wife who will not listen to me in most cases. I hate the thought of having to tell the three relatives here that something is wrong with me. Must be some crazy paranoia shit to not allow yourself to fall asleep. But really, look at those anxiety books. That is why I packed them and starting to want to use them, work with them to get to sleep.
Feeling a little bit queasy, nauseated. Monday. We leave Monday. If Carlos comes, we leave Tuesday.
My acting out. Worrying about it too much causes stress, causes anxiety and a big cause of your blood pressure elevation. I don't know where my BP kit is right now but when I took my BP it was 119-79, huge difference from yesterday at 152-90. Fantastic turnaround. Why? Because masturbation and ejaculation lower blood pressure, not raise it. And you did some and what a difference! I wish Carlos had told us yesterday he and his brother were sick. I would have released last night and that would have relaxed me. The perfect Christian I am not. I do the best that I can but we are all in sin. According to the Bible, a lot of it.