- So thats what was going on?
- February 22nd, 7:51
I was able to surmise stuff better about myself last night and my visit back here in Albuquerque. The TGRCNM (two visits), the guy with those ugly fingernails, Samon Pi's last days (and do consider malpractice), my 4 visits to SA group, the solid,good cleanup yesterday, church and lgbt issues/Deutoronomy 22:5 and discovery of this new counseling website. Last night just the little bit of writing and light bulb allowed me 4 hours sleep, finally in bed at 1am.
Conclusions I had were that transition must begin with Christian therapy in order to work peacefully for you, your SA stuff did need reduction of all the imagery seen but your issues - you are more trans now than CD, your actions and thoughts are starting to show it. So SA can only be partly effective. Still good but not 100% your problem -and still necesary to attend meetings. You are your own person and not Hugh Savage (guy on SA online, CD in England). The Deutoronomy 22:5 stuff quit making sense as I got out more and indulged in self-discovery. Because I didnt see it as wearing opposite clothing most of the time. It fit good, felt good and lusting thoughts were directed at something else - like what would I do with them on?! Became an anxiety release- once out it went away-until as soon as I came home again.
I in the back of my mind new this. I am a slow thinker and slow at processing thoughts. Im talking about getting over-involved with lifestyle changes. I would have lusted after too much more. I would not have wanted to return to previous self, seeing the joy and fun it brought me. Would have made my trip home today MUCH more difficult.
I can also surmise with my codependent needs for Wanda, she makes it easier to hide this stuff,she brings out the male part of me, making it easier, more comfortable to act the part. Thats a big reason you cant let her go- along with her craziness.